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i remember waking up here one year ago

and hanging out

and more hanging out

and rock bands.

thanks flower.

a loveless ribbon

it’s still early in the night, and im laying in bed trying to fit my head into the dent left by his in the pillow. actually its still early enough to head on over to transit, and my mind conjures up dollar signs with wings, floating away for every drink i consume. too soon anyway. i could fall asleep, if only there wasn’t that one damn nagging thought in my mind.

ke was the only person who fascinated me, in good and bad ways. moments in which he managed to slide into my life were exhilarating, and the quick exits filled with hasty hugs left me pondering things for days. his non-existence in my life spurred some of the more feminine behavior i’ve exhibited - silently pining away at my desk, staring at a sunset, remembrances of events appearing in dreams late at night, and most of all, silently hoping for his return.

there’s been quite a few people since ke wandered into my life, some of which have become long-term relationships, others as fizzling and hopeless courtships; all of which refuse to compare.

now, this isn’t part of that feminine behavior i had discussed earlier, but an acute observation solidified with evidence of what i’m doing at this exact moment. i’m writing on a goddamn laptop after a lovely evening spent with a lovely person. as time and partner passes, what we shall refer to as a grieving period, shortens. tonight, only some short time after sb has left, im ready for the next thing. isn’t anything sacred in my life anymore?

this is what manipulation is about - the ability to imagine terrifying things, and not just monsters coming out the closet.

i think the american public, and i know myself, is probably in some fashion, fascinated in those moments before anything happened. and thats what makes this image so powerful in my mind — it totally could have happened. this is the most horrible thought, to think of thousands of lives, going about their usual business, interrupted forever.

thanks to riothero

oh my god, my stomach aches looking at that. i know its fake, but what a powerful image.

he is all our sunshine

Those who know Laris Kreslins, read on. From othermusic.com:

MACITAJS ON ACID “Friki Diki: The Enrique Tapes” (Tornis) CD $5.99

RealAudio: http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/TautuMei.rm
RealAudio: http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/AnotherM.rm

Those crazy Latvian brothers have finally offered a compendium to the past nine years (1992 to 2001) as Macitajs On Acid. I am not going to play like I don’t personally know these guys: Laris and Kristaps hail from DC metro-area Maryland, which I also happen to call home. I think it is almost criminal that America’s only Latvian punk rock band is essentially unknown here, sadly I imagine the former Soviet Baltic state is just as resonant in the minds of the uninitiated. All of their lyrics are sung in Latvian, which is something almost unheard-of — even in Latvia — and whenever possible, they travel to the homeland to perform.

M.O.A. have evolved over the years, so the CD changes a bit from track to track, with similarities to maybe Sonic Youth or Sebadoh. In addition to a fine collection of songs (30 tracks total), they have also intertwined various soundbites from live performances, radio appearances, random bits of dialog, and sound experiments, making this an entertaining listen whether you know what the heck they are saying or not. I can’t help but to love these guys. Here are a few web addresses to help you get to know more about the Kreslins.

www.macitajsonacid.com
www.pharmacybar.com
www.soundcollector.com
www.tornis.lv
www.latviatravel.com

coming to a hallmark greeting card soon

Day of the Unpartnered

hahahahahahaha.

teacher teacher

Just a quick note, I’m up for tenure this year.. and would be honored if you would consider writing a letter in support of my application as a former student.

why do i suddenly feel devilish? after all those years of frustration, bad come-ons, etc etc; all i can think is: payback.

in other news, i was staring at the cover of TALK magazine this morning - one of those magazines that is digustingly vapid and full of nice photographs, something that my old roommate used to get - and on the cover there’s a line i hadnt seen before “camille paglia picks the world’s 25 wickedest women”.

why should this matter? because im feeling particularly evil? no. camille paglia, if youre not aware, used to be one of my professors at uarts. i had her for my first year of modernism and a class about deconstructing rock lyrics.

its funny though, that im returning to her works right now, if not eerily appropriate:

“A major failing of most feminist ideology is its dumb, ungenerous stereotyping of men as tyrants and abusers, when in fact-as I know full well, from my own mortifying lesbian experience- men are tormented by women’s flirtatiousness and hemming and hawing, their manipulations and changeableness, their humiliating rejections. Cock teasing is a universal reality. It is part of women’s merciless testing and cold-eyed comparison shopping for potential mates. Men will do anything to win the favor of women. Women literally size up men- “What can you show me?”- in bed and out. If middle class feminists think they conduct their love lives perfectly rationally, without any instinctual influences from biology, they are imbeciles.”
- (Vamps & Tramps, p. 35)

more food for thought on all the stuff thats going on. i might not agree with all of it, but it makes me think. thinkings good, right?

whats your favorite new york moment?

take the test

Goth 30%
Trendy 30%
Alternative 70%

Conclusion: From this, we can tell that you are either a really well-balanced person, or you just have no taste whatsoever.